george carlin government doesn't care about you

A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. I like to find out where the line might be and then cross it deliberately, and then make the audience happy about crossing the line with me. The people are [bleeped out]. "Just when these American citizens needed their rights the most, their government sucked 'em away. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. 39. And of course this country is founded on the double standard, that's our history! Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. Pointless careerism? To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! Every three or four blocks, there's a big sign: "DRUGS", "Open All Night DRUGS", "We Deliver DRUGS", "Cut-rate DRUGS" it's the biggest thing on their sign: "Cosmetics Sundries . Nine years ago today we lost not only one of our better comics, but one of our most vital and intelligent voices. I love the freedoms we used to have. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Let me know in the comments below and please share this post. And they all vote. In the end, there are people who don't fit into the marketplace and are not equipped. There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in: Heated or unheated! And, by the way, theres nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. When's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. The poor are just there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. - George Carlin. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. No contest! Now there is another phrase I dearly love. Two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. "Pre-heated" is a meaningless fucking term! George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths! But, when it comes to changing the language, I think they [feminists] make some good points, because we do think in language, and so the quality of our thoughts and ideas could only be as good as the quality of our language. Thats all it is. Its disgusting, man. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Its because volunteers work for no pay. It's interested in its own power, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. They even have a war college at Ft. McNair, Washington. I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! But what's the alternative? Dead. Doesnt happen. A boring game for boring people. The only story I know of where clouds are important was Noah's Ark! George Carlin. Its the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin different. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesnt want you to do. And there's no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. No muss, no fuss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments of interest 'til September. Several reasons. You know, why should it be illegal to sell something thats perfectly legal to give away? And any man whose arm hair completely covers his wristwatch. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? You rarely see a bumper sticker that says: Save the tumors. Or I brake for advanced melanoma. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. I am perfectly willing to share the room with a fly, as long as he is patrolling that portion of the room I dont occupy. In America, anyone can become president. A Reverend Donald Wildman in Mississippi heard something on the radio that he didn't like. Because they got a letter from a minister in Mississippi! Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. And don't let me be hit by a flying turd. We got a war on poverty, the war on crime, war on litter, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. They're privileges. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. From a distance so I can see it all. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. If you take five white guys and put em with five black guys, and let em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, youll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. Awfully sorry.. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. The Zen Teachings of George Carlin, a Comedian Who Pointed the Way Judd Apatow and Michael Bonfiglio's new HBO documentary "George Carlin's American Dream" takes viewers on a tour through. I'm tired of this shit being presented in the context of real news. 30. The difference for me is that conservatives are more interested in property values and rights and free markets, and liberals are more interested in human rights. That's all the media and the politicians are ever talking aboutthe things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. Enjoy! 44. Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. People don't know that, tell them when they're in your car. First thing- "Hey! Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck. George Carlin, 52. And you might have noticed something else. Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? You see all, sooner or later. Were goin away. It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family. Its like watching flies fuck! We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. It will not be with jack-boots. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Fucking is legal. The CIA doesn't kill anybody anymore, they, I have certain rules I live by. Now I feel better. Where are these people hiding? Not so you'd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. We haven't tried that for a while. Broadly speaking. It helps to remember that. They're doing amphetamines. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_zwB6GLpo4&w=584&h=390]. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Nature is in here. Just for you? And Bush is pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. OK? It's a shame everything has to have a label. That's another complaint of mine too much use of this prefix "pre". Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. 35. Happy was into grass and grass alone Happy, that's all he did. They can't stand the fact that they might have been stupid enough to have lost something. Have you noticed that there are some people, who when they lose something, their first reaction is that it had to be stolen? You know, you, O Beautiful, for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, There are four hundred thousand words in the English language, and there are seven you can't say on television. No war on homelessness. Fucking is legal. And even if it's something that anyone would really want that much. Original music by Dan Powell and Marion Lozano . By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Heres another question I have: How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet? Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an Exxon credit card. People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. They will do anything for the unborn. 4. After that, they dont want to know about you. I've also grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. Thats our history. Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. "The planet is fine. I think we need some new Christmas carols with a more modern approach. its only a symbol. So arrogant. ' George Carlin, 30. Like the public. I'm also tired of hearing about 'innocent victims'. They call them the. Deal with it. Nah. When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. Any old orifice will do for Dopey. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. 40. Now, man"You up for the game?" That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. not understanding that George Carlin was the type of person to roast one side, and when the other side started cheering he would turn and . They own, and control the corporations. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. Electricity is really just organized lightning. Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. Thats the problem. Disgusting that people still make that argument that we can never cut defense but we can cut education. That's all it is. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. The planet is fine. People think it puts them above the fray. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. Then you become a baby, and then You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions central heating, room service on tap, and then You finish off as an orgasm. And they're elected by American voters. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. Huh? Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Thats three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. They don't take into them the idea that we are part of it. You ever watch golf on television? That kind of shit is very limiting for this brain we have. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. Live and let live. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. No nothing. They must really be bad; they'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large! Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! 37. His parents split up when he was an infant because his . 49. (101), Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence. Organized religion and organized crime working together to help build a better America. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. George Carlin, 31. You know? ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. Actually, I dont care, I drink it anyway. I'm tired of that asshole. I'm here to help. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Famous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics, "In America, anyone can become president. Now, you come along, and pray for something. The House of Blues they ought to call it the House of Lame White Motherfuckers; inauthentic, low frequency, single-digit, lame, white motherfuckers especially these male movie stars who think theyre blues artists. Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of. They don't mention anything about cursing a lack of candles. When they talk about drugs, they don't talk about all of them. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. They own, and control the corporations. It's not an attitude in line with the American Spirit, but there it is: we all screw around first. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that shit. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Parents are full of shit, teachers are full of shit, clergymen are full of shit, and law enforcement people are fullofshit this entire country. Here's what happened: I give you my revised list of the Two Commandments: "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie", and "thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than the one you pray to". You ever notice that? And you know something? And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! You don't wait thirty years. The seven dwarfs were each on different little trips. Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. We think in language. Anal rape, quicksand, body lice, evil spirits, gridlock, acid rain, continental drift, labor violence, flash floods, rabies, torture, bad luck, calcium deficiency, falling rocks, cattle stampedes, bank failure, evil neighbors, killer bees, organ rejection, lynching, toxic waste, unstable dynamite, religious fanatics, prickly heat, price fixing, moral decay, hotel fires, loss of face, stink bombs, bubonic plague, neo-Nazis, friction, cereal weevils, failure of will, chain reaction, soil erosion, mail fraud, dry rot, voodoo curse, broken glass, snake bite, parasites, white slavery, public ridicule, faithless friends, random violence, breach of contract, family scandals, charlatans, transverse myelitis, structural defects, race riots, sunspots, rogue elephants, wax buildup, killer frost, jealous coworkers, root canals, metal fatigue, corporal punishment, sneak attacks, peer pressure, vigilantes, birth defects, false advertising, ungrateful children, financial ruin, mildew, loss of privileges, bad drugs, ill-fitting shoes, widespread chaos, Lou Gehrig's disease, stray bullets, runaway trains, chemical spills, locusts, airline food, shipwrecks, prowlers, bathtub accidents, faulty merchandise, terrorism, discrimination, wrongful cremation, carbon deposits, beef tapeworm, taxation without representation, escaped maniacs, sunburn, abandonment, threatening letters, entropy, nine-mile fever, poor workmanship, absentee landlords, solitary confinement, depletion of the ozone layer, unworthiness, intestinal bleeding, defrocked priests, loss of equilibrium, disgruntled employees, global warming, card sharks, poisoned meat, nuclear accidents, broken promises, contamination of the water supply, obscene phone calls, nuclear winter, wayward girls, mutual assured destruction, rampaging moose, the greenhouse effect, cluster headaches, social isolation, Dutch elm disease, the contraction of the universe, paper cuts, eternal damnation, the wrath of God, and. It's all very confusing. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. 2. The people are fucked! change. But dont participate; it will be your death. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. It simply doesn't give a fuck about you. You name the country, we've got the plan. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. You might have noticed that I never complain about politicians. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! I welcome it. That's generally been true. Pretty neat deal, huh? Some people don't want you to mention certain things. 7. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other peoples stuff. (224), Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. Where are these people hiding? A dentist with blood in his hair. You kick him squarely in the nuts, and you get the fuck out of there as fast as you can, and you go tell somebody right away; you tell as many grown-up people as you canone of them is bound to believe you. "All of you over here, you seven? They own you. Pray for anything you want. Simple thing. I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free. You never see a memo that says 9:01. The sanctity of life doesnt seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? And I would admit, that somewhere underneath all this there's a little flicker of a flame of idealism that would love to see it all huish! It's an ego defense. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. 16. As we saw from my piece on Louis C.K. The rights and the rights of property. Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. Put it in your pocket and go the fuck home, you're a winner! That would make a "He-man" an "It-person." Has been for thousands of years! What a fucking disgrace that place is! With Nina Feldman. 51. "Yes." When you get to Wikipedia, in the search field for Wikipedia, I want you to type in ". Tell you a little secret about the blues; its not enough to know which notes to play, you gotta know why they need to be played, and another thing I dont think white people should be trying to dance like blacks. 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