dirty leprechaun jokes

"All right, I've got you this time. I asked her how she colored it and Who told you that? asked Marty.. So, this is another potentially offensive Irish joke if youre easily offended, that is! May you enjoy them and visit Ireland one day. Knock, knock! Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! The woman says, Me Sheamus drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. ", A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. by signing up, you agree to the our terms and our Privacy Policy agreement. You haven't met an Irish Women yet! The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. Mother superior answers the door and is surprised to see two leprechauns, one looks older. So the american guy bends over and leprechaun starts fucking him in the ass. Yes, this is another potentially offensive and dirty Irish joke involving sheep. Urine luck! One turns to the other and says, It was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?!. ", A guy walks into the bar bathroom and begins to relieve himself at a urinal. The urinals were occupied, so the man opens a stall. He keeps walking, hoping he'll make it home but he can't hold it in anymore. The taller gentleman catches himself sneaking a peek and notices the short man's penis is exceptionally large. Urine luck. A shamrock! ", Colm goes out one fair evening for a solo round of golf. Thats quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? The short man replied now without the Irish accent, "Hmm just wondering why is a grown as 25yr old man still believing in leprechauns. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. What kind of music should you listen to on St. Patricks Day? They worked up along one street and then down the other. It gave a lot of high grade milk and when theyd milk it theyd take it to make milk and cheese and take the excess to sell and. As she lowers herself down, she farts. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. Now this man was overjoyed as he was only farmer that barely got by. A: In the dictionary. One is clever. The father opened the door and says, "yes, my sons. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. asked Bridget. you ever tried pushing one of these Paddy: "No worriesI lost that bloody sausage in the third pub!" What's long & green & has a low I.Q.? WebSuch phrases include bedad and begorrah, top of the morning, or faith, me darling. He picked it and spoke outloud "This must be me lucky day!" St. Patrick's Day is one of our most favorite days of the year. Jade is currently on a campervan adventure around Europe, where she continues to get her travel and food inspiration. the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. Because they have cotton balls. Whats the story? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamuss face. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. Q: What was the leprechauns favorite kind of music? The leprechaun nodded then said "You have a family don't you?" For his first wish the farmer wishes for all the land in Texas to. Any you want! Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that. To get to the pot of gold faster! This section is just for you. To every monastery in every county. I wonder if he could do that for Congress. A: A Jolly Green Giant. A: Leprechaun spelled backwards. The man turned around and the leprechaun asks "how old are you?" Paddy goes into a Dublin florist and says he wants to buy a bunch of flowers for his girlfriend. Web( Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes) Knock, knock Whos there? Leper Leper who? Lepon con and Im here to pinch you. ", until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office. You cant do that, says the Irishman. Paddy O'furniture! A shamrock. Hello. Are you willing to takea dick this big?" After a short moment so that she could regain composure (becauseyou kn, A man walks into a bar on St. Paddy's day and gets tapped on the shoulder by a leprechaun. He gets O'ffended. Why did the leprechaun go outside? A: Hes Dublin over with laughter! And the closest town is about a mile away. A man got himself a wee bit too drunk on St Patrick's day and is stumbling towards home. Q: What happened when the leprechaun fell into the river Shannon? A: Irish soda bread. He uses a hare dryer. A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? Warren who? What does it mean if you find a horseshoe in Ireland? A: Because Irish stew. A saint pat-trick. WebDirty Irish Jokes 1. The bartender said, "What will you have Umbridge?". Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?" WebThe leprechaun says, "I did that for you. WebDirty Leprechaun joke So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. The farmer walks out one day and finds his only cow dead on the ground. A: He got wet. In the 12th pub, both are quite drunk by now, Sean isn't looking to good. A four-leave rover. The farmer accepted without blinking. The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! May your wishes come true and your truth be wise. Hes Dublin over with laughter! Thats 150 miles from here., His wife asks who it was, and Paddy responds, It was some eejit asking if the coast was clear.. Irish you a happy St. Patricks Day. What type of bow cannot be tied? Cork is full of many things and can be one of Irelands premier spots for. She is excited to share what she discovers with her readers. A: Their brag-pipes. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" Q: What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation? Im sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mrs Molloy, but there was an accident over in the brewery. So no offence is taken. What did the poor leprechaun say as he ran from the police? So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. Q: Why was the leprechauns given a desk job when he became a policeman? What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? It Must Have Been Love (But It's Clover Now) by Sham-Roxette, Shamrock and Roll All Nite by KISS Me Im Irish, and Party on the Paddy-O by ZZ Green Top Hat. what I think is gas, you might think is crap. The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note." Regular rocks are too heavy. What did one leprechaun ghost say to the other? Q: How do leprechauns use to pay for soft drinks? Paddy has an idea, he takes the 50 cents of Sean, goes to a butchers and buys a sausage. Apparently, asking a dwarf why he isnt wearing his leprechaun costume was offensive. What are you after doing? replied his wife. Q: Why are so many leprechauns florists? WebBelow, weve compiled a list of some of the most hilarious St. Pattys Day jokes, including leprechaun jokes, puns about Guinness, shamrocks, rainbows, Ireland, and all things How should you greet someone on March 17? ", An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk." Why are leprechauns hard to get along with? Irish Day Off Jokes Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Since he had nothing to wipe with, he comes back to the classroom with his hands cupped, hiding the shit. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? (Sister Matic). But before you pull out your favorite green sweater, you better be prepared to entertain your friends and family with some funny St. Patrick's Day jokes and puns. a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day." What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? Never search for clean Halloween jokes again Download them now instead. None of these leprechaun one liners are dirty. They like to go green! After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss. source: /u/0nyx09. WebWhy did the leprechaun cross the road on red? Q: Why were all the leprechauns still complaining in April about it raining on St. Patricks Day? A: Sham-rocks, Q: What is it called when leprechauns do the wrong dance move? A: They refuse to leave the green. ", The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! To get to the other side. Ever tried ironing a four-leaf clover? One day a man was playing golf in Ireland and he sliced his drive and the ball went over to the side of the course and he heard an "ouch". If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. Youre joking says the patient. A French Fry. When he got back to class, his Paddy storms out and yells, Well, Ill be fecked if Im sticking around for 67 more of them.. Guy's been at the bar for a while. Q: Why cant you borrow money from a leprechaun? Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his willie right off, I will! he shouts. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? He's ordered food. How does the Easter Bunnys day always end? "How'd you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh?" When Colm arrives at his ball, he sees a little red bearded man dressed in green lying unconscious with a large knot on, So an American college student goes to Ireland for St Patrick's Day. Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow! Emphasis onsome. Leprechauns are a type of Irish fairy. He's standing at the urinal and notices a very short guy at the urinal next to him. What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto? Cause the grass tickles their balls One turns to the other and says, It was a 2. A glass of Guinness appears. Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves tongue! What's a leprechaun's favorite kind of music? A man walks into an Irish bar and orders a tall glass of Guinness. As he starts drinking more and more, he has to release the valve and goes to the restroom. 80.53 % / 306 votes. The father, taken aback, says, The Mother Superior answered and was taken quite by surprise at the sight. The Irish certainly love to take the piss, but they mean no harm; its all just a bit of good old fashioned craic. Paddy drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. Connect with us on your favourite social media app. The mother superior opens the door to see the two little green men. Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin? With a quick snap the men are on the rainbow. Curious about the little fellow, the man looks over the wall separator and tries to get a glimpse of the smaller man's. Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. Want jokes for St. Patricks Day? The guy being drunk turns around and says hold on, are you really a leprechaun? Erin go bragh! The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". Well duh, why else would leprechauns hide their gold at the end of the rainbow. In lepre-condos. So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. Q: Who was the leprechauns favorite super hero? What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold? and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". Just water, replied the priest. but liquor is not a pond and Im not a duck so tip your cup and lets get fucked up. Pat on your shoes and let's get to the St. Patrick's Day party! Patricks Day is almost here. Much to his surprise he spies a leprechaun and managed to nab him by the neck. WebOut of curiosity the guy ask the leprechaun man how can I get my cock to grow that big. I might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick's Day I will be 100% drunk. Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. "Irish is a leprechaun language." The leprechaun next to him turns and says, Can I borrow a dollar?? To sit on his paddy-o. The gentleman its the thought that counts Credit: Pixabay / Free May you be a half hour in heaven before the devil knows youre dead. A: Where's the stairs. I said, what have you been up to? Good Lord, hes done it again! What do you call a big Irish spider? Why do leprechauns bow when the weather's bad? This classy looking rolled/player walked to my counter with a gorgeous lady on his right arm, a younger looking woman on his left arm and a leprechaun on his shoulder. This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does.". Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? I'm in a bit of a pickle and you're the only one who can help.". So, what someone deems as funny Irish jokes is subjective i.e. Man: "Oh yes, I've always Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. Who's there? Pat. Since leprechauns are associated with St. Patricks Day in America, here are some funny St. Patricks Day puns. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. He took a shortcut! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The next day Paddy is drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before. Well one of them is a cunning runt. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. Sham-rock and roll. whom it would appear he had accidently hit with his errant shot. The man grabs the leprechaun and says, "I got you, where's the gold? Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover? To stop himself from falling into the stew. A: Theyre really into green living. Get EVERY Halloween joke youll ever need right now and access them anytime on your PC, phone, tablet, Kindle or other device forever! He couldn't afford plane fare It's a little par three but he still manages to slice it into the bush. They like to "go" first class! This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun. "Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!" Celebrating St. Patrick's Day with his gang of leprechauns. Q: Why did the leprechaun climb the rainbow? ", The american goes, "Ok, for my second wish I wanna hot looking woman!" Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer? A man was at a club and after several drinks, of course he had to go to the bathroom. Potty. Q: What is nuahcerpel? In 2022 Jades first book The Ultimate Irish Road Trip Guide was published and is currently available on Amazon. It counts as a vegetable! Movies Clover who? Youre very clover. No one is saying anything smart. Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! A cold beer and another one. And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal. WebThe man still doesn't really believe the guy, but he keeps going with it. St. Patrick's Day Ideas for an Extra Lucky Holiday, 62 Silly St. Patrick's Day Jokes That Give Dad Jokes a Run for Their Money, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. A man walks into the bathroom and sees a leprechaun taking a piss. What type of bow cannot be tied? The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. He stops in the middle of the footpath, lowers his trousers, squats dow. Q: Where can leprechauns always find gold on St. Pattys Day? Why are so many leprechauns gardeners? A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. St. Patrick's Day Toasts Sure, youd be arrested for less!. The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. They also had a milk cow and what a cow it was. In a wasted stupor, he decides to take a shortcut home through a nearby forest. For some reason the guy happens to glans over and sees this little guy has a huge cock. Does that make him a leprechaun? The Three Paddies find a leprechaun, who brings them to the top of his rainbow. A: To stop himself from falling into the stew. This time the Englishman is really mad! Read Later Add to Favourites Add to Collection Report. Sure, they're green with envy! "I gotcha! If you like these funny leprechaun jokes youve just read, please check out these 21 absolutely hilarious and short Irish jokes because theyre awesome. Because it has two banks Potty who? A: He already had pot of gold, Q: What do you call a leprechaun who goes to prison? How did the Irish Jig get started? The leprechaun wiggles his fingers and Bam! Why do Irish bread bakers use baking soda? Gaelic breath.. The Amer. Disclaimer: This is a Russian joke which I am translating after a few too many glasses of wine. ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? What's the Name of the new irish NBA Rookie ? Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small-town bar. Reading these really helped lighten my day. He was the short-order cook. Q: Why did the leprechaun go out the door? A: The Jolly Green Giant! Did you also know that he enjoys practical jokes?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_11',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Either way, the jokes about this legendary creature from Irish mythology follow below. One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes Because they're always a little short. Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism. What do you call a nomad with a lucky charm? 'I'm leaving them out till I get used to them.' A: It will be green with envy! Who's that guy who fought the buff leprechaun? What do perverted leprechauns drink on St. Patricks Day? What do you call a leprechaun prank? An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. A quick death and an easy one. He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. You look a little differentyou have a giant round orange head. He said, well, its the craziest thing. This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! Clover. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. And when 'e saw ye with 'is eye Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. and the little fela says no im just a Goblin! - Sista-matic. Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); When it's a FRENCH fry! They have green thumbs! WebLeprechaun Jokes. "There is more friendship in a half pint of whiskey than in a churn of buttermilk." Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. One lad digging the holes. The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? Anto replied, Delighted? Why make the Easter Bunny so lucky? If you live with younger siblings at home, wearing green on St. Patrick's Day is crucial for survival. He replies, Im Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'. A: The Celtics. That was the only cow we had, how will I feed my family?" Paddy and Mary decided to try a 69. Why do leprechauns love to garden? Oh. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. He is pretty lost, but suddenly he sees a leprechaun sitting on a rock. What's the difference between a little guy with a pot o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off? The leprechaun turns and says in a Irish voice, not to worry laddy I'm a leprechaun, I So the Irish would never rule the world. Great for parties, events, cards and trick-or-treating. How can you tell if a potato is not from Ireland? Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold? He is through the brush and up the tree. See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. How do Irish cooks keep their tools organized? Q: What do leprechauns yell when they first see an Irish shoreline? The Leprechaun replies, "If you let me put my, There was this poor Irish family, a father, mother, and their 3 sons, living on this old dirt farm. An American man goes to Ireland and goes to an Irish pub. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. 50 Best St Patricks Day Jokes . A sham rock The priest looks from the bottle to the heavens. Q: Why do leprechauns prefer dollar bills over coins? Type above and press Enter to search. "Tip o' the Trojan to ye!" Theres really no subject thats off-limits in Ireland, so be prepared when it comes to dirty jokes. The leprechaun goes "Hello there! What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? No, the man replied. When does a leprechaun cross the road? Fortunes. WebWhere do leprechauns live? Embarrassed, he apologizes, Father O'Malley was walking through the fields in Belfast when he looked down and saw a four leaf clover. The bragpipes. I'm in the wrong joke! The first one knocks on the door. WebThe Leprechaun Joke A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. Q: How can you spot a jealous shamrock? "Oh, really?" Bugs Bunny. And then, from out of now. If you want a dick thisbig, you'll have to be willing to take it. How did the Irish Jig get started? "If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy.

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