why do i feel disgusted when someone touches me

We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children . A friend of mine is sexually frustrated 24/7, but she hates sex. We have worked together to make sex as positive for me as we can. Every month I go through the same thing, over and over and over. My wife has sex aversion. The only question is whether I divorce my wife over it or have an affair. The other day I told him he could not tell a friend that if they got within a mile of outr home they would be shot, I was trying to get him to let go of his riffle, He did and I broke my hip and he took his riffle to the gate to enforce what he had said. Some individuals who experience sexual aversion may have experienced sexual trauma or another type of trauma. If he loves you and respects you, hell begin to make an effort in other areas of your relationship. I have had some sexual trauma in my childhood. I have suggested for him to move to an apartment separate from me to see if we can have a better relationship. I feel trapped. One actually resulted in a pregnancy, which I choose adoption.. for the sake of the child. I am 51 years old. Its been 36 years now trying to get compromises to let him have what he wanted and let the community have their needs met. I feel like this article is talking about what i am going through, since i had a baby i have no desire for any sexual activities, touching makes me cringe, it is a painful experience and so unfair for the partner then, you try so hide in your mind to relax and go though it but i wonder what does this do to your sycho, it is so unhealthy, frustrating, hurting but you do it because you love your husband so bad you dont want to send him away. Disgust often comes up in response to poisonous or toxic people, where deep trust and love has been betrayed. I started avoiding my husband so he could not ask me for it. Best wishes. Im NOT sure that in such cases an aversion to sex would be a proper description of this conditional behavior. I think it is very important to find out which of the two it is though. I now know that I not only dont care about sex but that Ive always found the human body to be kind of silly looking and at times a real turnoff. I feel so bad for my husband because I dont love him any less and Im very attracted to him. I just looked at her in awe. My penis head is two sensitive. It really confuses me lately. We see each other a few days during the week for a couple of hours each visit. Extreme reaction, like what panic attacks do. I wish I had an answer to this because I dont want to leave my marriagenot do I want to live the next 20 years or whatever in this agony. I was not molested as a child, but I was bullied and teased by girls from Kindergarten through High School. He can see that and this also becomes a source of unspoken hostility. Now I realize that all those years of doing just that may have been exactly what landed us in the mess we are in now. It is good of you to still try so that it doesnt hurt him. I feel like a freak.. Tracey I know exactly what you mean. Thank you for sharing your stories. For me though, things are even worse. From this list, you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. No way I could be in a relationship not that I can imagine anyway. I think that there is something within all humans that makes you have this need to be loved and touched and if you are not feeling that then I think that there is something that needs to be addressed. Also, a number of people who identify as asexual are comfortable doing sexual things to a partner (touching, etc.) Perhaps sex for reasons other than respect and love, is actually repulsive. It was with a prostitute and she found out about it. I guess i will have to look for some online advice, i live in southamerica in a country where the kind of therapy available does not cover this issue very well (psychoanalysis/psychodynamic therapy is very popular here and the issue of sexual aversion is not very known). Remember, Men are supposed to be spiritual leaders of women and families and be wanting healthy relationships with God and living right. My marriage was essentially sexless (because he wasnt attracted to my deformed post baby body and he didnt like me at all), it was like pity on me for him to even attempt bad sex with me. You almost have a condescending tone and thats the last thing she needs to hear. HE Ended up aknowlegding those needs leaving a bloody trial of broken people when they interfered with him. Dont Touch Me: Understanding Your Sexual Aversion, Contributed by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C. It is very hard to explain something that, unless the other person has experienced it for themselves, you believe that there is no way they can comprehend. I wish I knew why, it effects my mental illness negatively. I really appreciate this it is helpful. That is entirely consistent with someone having sexual aversion issues that arent perhaps the most extreme they could be. Maybe I just need to give it some time. I know I still love her but this aversion is making it impossible for us to move forward after this affair. When he discharged in may 1985. I wish with all my heart that I would want my husband sexually the way he wants me. If the cause is less serious, you will have to spend some time, on rewriting the brains responses and understanding of the causes and effects. Partner is a person. It is a part of a healthy marriage. WebWhy do I feeling like I have to stop eating entirely just because someone touched my food? Are some of the things you ask her to do repulsive to her? Now I make far better, and far, far healthier, decisions. I could never remain sexual if it werent for my husbands understanding and willingness to help. about 5 years ago I went outside our marriage for sex. What you wrote really struck a chord with me because, well. I notice that female commenters get lots of love and support for their stories, male commenters, even those bringing up very sad tales of sexual issues get no response. You can do this if you desire. I think the most important thing for you to do right now is to reflect on how these experiences have affected you (not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally as well). Would he possibly go to therapy/counselling with you? My partner unhappy and unsatisfied was brewing heavily since his needs werent met. Matt, this is me exactly, including the drinking. If a person cannot stand to be touched sexually (or any other way), this should be viewed as a problem and treatment should be sought. It makes me feel sad at times.. You are way out of line to assume the woman above is teasing her boyfriend. His last words as he walked to the cab were well I guess you get an entire month off . Part of the issue is control if your partner is not trying to touch or arouse or pleasure you, and you are determining how and what and when you do things to them, then you have more control over the experience. Very interesting! That would work both ways. If you are no/no longer attracted to a person, it can be a very negative experience to have sex with them. Anyway.this is exctly how Ive felt, and I just dont know why. I often fantasize of my single days dating when relationships were not so needy. Whoa! Im sure she realizes this, and appreciates this. Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. Maybe I just need to see it all from a different perspective. Push for any of this, or for sex, and it will be our last date. Two weeks latter it was my time to pay for the broken promises of 31 years When he took me to the floor and had his way as I begged couldnt we try and work things out over time. No, this isnt your husband, but I am a man whose wife seems to have an almost identical problem to yours. Disgusting is talking about others behavior or charectistic means you are affecting from others like: a disgusting smell, distasteful language, revolting food. Are you still with your husband? Do you tend to avoid or limit sexual activity? Its such a turn off to me. I want out. married men sleep with other women. I was lectured by the ombudsman that I was not to discuss any thing but reenlisting. It is physically impossible. I had been independent through my life as I raised my children on my own before I decided dating was a possibility. I had researched him before hand on facebook and felt at ease because he was newly married (about 1.5 years) and his wife was incredibly beautiful. WebEngaging in sexual activity when you are not aroused is harmful for your emotional well-being. Or just towards him? I only give him sex, because Im not an idiot and know how men think and they have their needs . Even I wish you well. I.AM.SORRY. I imagine she loves you dearly. Our friendship/relationship changed in character just recently, and became more personal. But When he came home he was tired, seasick and wanting a non isolated duty. In past times, explaining this just makes them feel guilty for having sex with me because they know I dont want to. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Id say so. Please stop the judging. I contacted a friend of a friend who I knew was a model like he was on billboards. a love life is overrated for a lot of people, me included. It is a challenge for me to be around men I am always conscious of my flab, stretch marks, fat and I make sure that no man ever (and I mean EVER) gets me a drink unless it comes with an unopened lid/cap.. this ensures I will not be drugged. I have tried to get myself into the mind set to just do it and get it over with, but every fiber of my being tells me its wrong. I would have never married. We tried it again where I just jacked him off but I still got queasy when I came in contact with his cum. For highly sensitive people especially, sex isnt just purely physical, its also emotional, mental, and even spiritual. As though she finally had the excuse she needed to give up and move out. My mind and body say no but I have to force myself to meet his needs. I even try to look less attractive to him. Nobody can get him to back off any thing now that he decided he going to do. I was petrified, scared, begged hoping she would stop touching my areas until suddenly she saw it in my face. for me, that insanity is that I could ever be in a truly loving relationship that didnt bring abusive harm. Hi Ashley, My sexuality is very complicated, when I am by myself I think of sex often and with wanting, however when doing it, its different. I feel like Im going crazy trying to reconcile my deep longing for her and her detachment and unwillingness to face the issue. I hate sex,I dont want to even be touched. I want a cure . I was convinced females were dangerous, and I became very good at ignoring them. Were looking for help. All the best to you. There would have to be something there that is underlying that may cause them to not be interested in having sex. But one more thing..the not in love statementsat the beginning of a relationship its easy to feel all giddy and in loveafter time like a few years things settle down and you trade giddy in love feelings for steadfast solid true love. An addiction is a compulsion to do something and an aversion is a compulsion to not do something. Do you know how frustrating that is? i am telling you like it is. hi i am a 36 year old male with a history of bipolar and severe psychological depression and ocd. It is insanity to keep attempting the same thing. My husband got in again at 4am the next morning even more tired and angry when his father again yanked him up. I hope things look up for you! WebMy guess is that you have such a low opinion of yourself (probably unfounded) that when someone see worth in you you automatically decide that they must not be good enough You can put in effort and bring back the in love feelings with your true love partner but its not automatic. I can relate to every word you said, as I never even explained this condition with my significant other. OMG. I am also I highly sensitive person so that may play a role in it as well. I have expressed this clearly but somehow this is the deal breaker for me and he cannot imagine or really wish to change this.. A partner can enjoy being touched and other acts even if they have to finish things off themselves, it is down to the people engaging in the activities to define what is comfortable and works for them. Can a childhood of emotional and physical abuse also cause this? Im an African American male, and my dates/relationships have been almost exclusively with White girls/women over nearly sixty years, and all involved frequent sex. I myself use to feel embarrased of my body and just not confident in anything I did. (and Im a man!) I was always brushed aside. Are commonalities were sparse, he drank spirits nightly and smoked heavily. Human energy exchanges are something we dont know much about or know how to talk about due to a lack of proper terms or understandings of these ineffable states and exchanges. I refuse to let the past keep me prisoner who knows, maybe after my past severe trauma and fixing my alchemical cosmic energy, the love of my life will show up, I have been waiting for this moment Take it slowly and dont expect results to come all at once. Tell her that your needs are not being fulfilled and tell her that you need her to sacrifice some things in order for your relationship to remain. I cant even enjoy bjs. Sometime after we moved in together the sex began to slow and i had trouble becoming aroused. I know that if I dont, he will leave me or have an affair. It was just something that happened to me if I was "grossed out" by something. Its just gross and more and more people are doing even more disgusting things now like rimming for example. Even though theyve done nothing to provoke such a reaction out of me. It can be due to a number of factors, from psychological aversion to sex to sensory issues like Autism and Misophonia (or some combination of all these). Please.. just make sure that you have this conversation with her first. Why is it so hard for men to not take a womans individual sexuality personally? I cant explain most of how I feel about it. My aversion is because my husband is a liar who supports politicians that strip people like me of our rights. Hi Quinn, There are a few things in your post that strike a nerve with me. It just hits a nerve because I share a lot of your experiences (though not the job one. Trying to get back into the groove of things, I just want to feel like everyone else. Is it normal for this to come out of nowhere? It is my score to remove my self from a relationship that will never be understood from someone whom is set in their ways. The navy Doctors said extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation causing a condition resembling extrem psycosis and paranoia. WebOne of the most common reasons you experience a disgusting feeling when someone reveals they like you is because you have been significantly hurt in your past relationships. I find sex disgusting. Let me know if you have any suggestions. This doesnt bother me at all, but Im worried that shes freaked out at the thought of engaging in any sort of intimacy with me, and is just being diplomatic by offering that shes asexual. In every other way I have had such a happy marriage. STILL DONT. Its possible she could need help . The same thing happened on night 2. We are not rich but solid middle-class. But he always says..he loves me and wants to be with me. i even prompted the topic to him before i said yes to marriage so he knew and was very ok with that but our first anniversarys coming up and weve still not got there yet. Then there was a trauma with my kids (one sexually assaulted the other in another) and I went into PTS. I am not married with my boyfriend, we live together and I do not remember when was the last time we were intimate. Now more than 5 years after that we are still struggling along. Hi Sarah, At the same time, your husband needs to be reminded that you require more from him in this area. If you interfere with him and what he wants to do now you will end up badly broken I saw him fracture one mans scull with his cane when that man swept his cane putting him on the floor then asking how had i ever ended up with that looser. We do nothing that will set off triggers for me. What about men like me who have suffered from sexual aversion all their lives? Menopause promoted uncertain new surprises and swept my sexual senses to the open seas, farewell. Those are the only 2 options she is giving me. She began to realize, over the years that weve been together, there were several instances where we had sex, immediately after heavy and unfinished arguments. We just process things differently and this is step one to figuring out this side of us. That never happened! Second: You state that you expect sex as part of a relationship. The next morning what I thought would happen did, I ended up with a broken ankle. I once went to a clothes optional hot springs and went along with all the nakedness but I was thinking the whole time best to leave your clothes on, folks. I cant afford professional help though im hopeing this artical can help my husband understand what im going through. the incident ruined her and her husbands time here and they dont know why he could not just meet me here in two weeks instead of just be a jerk about coming. I dont refuse sex now like I did until 2013, after he became angry I was going out for a dinner event, Told me I was not going to appear at said dinner with his father mother and on the arm of his fathers best friend unless I went nude not in a dress his pay paid for I was not going..

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